Proof read this for me, please?
Question by Podiatrists are My Heroes: Proof read this for me, please?
This is a compare and contrast essay for a school project. It’s on the scene in Pride and Prejudice when Mr. Darcy proposes for the second time to Elizabeth. I’m not really looking for tips to make my writing better, just spelling/grammar/punctuation.
Thanks!
(Please do not plagiarize)
For many readers, the scene where Mr. Darcy proposes to Elizabeth Bennet for the second time is one of their favorite parts of the book. The feelings are mutual for people who have watched the movie. Of course, the book and the movie have similarities, but how much of the movie is just made for Hollywood? Critics will agree; both Jane Austen and the director, Joe Wright, for Pride and Prejudice, the movie, made sparks fly between Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth.
Some people believe the book did a better job of portraying Mr. Darcy’s second proposal to Elizabeth. When reading the book, you will find that Mrs. Bennet encourages Jane, Mr. Bingly, Kitty, Elizabeth, and Mr. Darcy to go on a walk. Jane and Mr. Bingly were the fist to separate because they wanted their alone time together. Next to leave was Kitty; she went to socialize with Maria Lucas. Elizabeth then “boldly” walked on with Mr. Darcy to make her resolution to him.
She was first to break the silence when she said how she was selfish for not seeing his point of view. Elizabeth then thanked him for being so kind as to take care of Lydia and Wickham. In the book, Mr. Darcy specifically said, “If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever.” Jane Austen did not use any dialog for Elizabeth’s response but the narration stated that Elizabeth’s sentiments had undergone a material change and she had accepted the offer.
Darcy lit up with joy, as did Elizabeth; so much to where she could not look him in the eye. The new couple continued on, not knowing where they were going because of all that was on their minds. They had too much to say and too much to feel to pay attention to anything else. There is sort of a quiet romance going on between these two. It is as if both Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy want to keep their love a secret, so they can always have something to themselves without Lady Catherine or Mrs. Bennet butting in.
The climax of the movie takes place during this very scene, just like in the book. But, Hollywood might have stepped in a smidge too much.
The first difference is the way Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth start walking; in the movie, Elizabeth is alone in the fog then Mr. Darcy walks up and meets her. The scene in the movie is more based on emotion, you can tell because Elizabeth first says, “I couldn’t sleep” and Mr. Darcy quickly replies, “Nor I” as if they were both feeling so much that they just had to put something out there.
The way Mr. Darcy asks Elizabeth is very much the same in both forms of the story, as is Elizabeth’s response to his inquiry. In the book, she says nothing to him, at least nothing in dialog. In the movie, she doesn’t directly answer, all she says is, “Well then. –your hands are cold.”
Since this was an emotional climax between the two, they could each tell what the other was thinking, and how the both felt. No more is said in the movie, there is just empty space, leaving the two by themselves, with not a single soul left to disturb them. The same type of romantic air was filled throughout the movie and the book; they are secretly in love and try to keep quiet.
Although, there is a lot more to make the general audience feel like they are right there with Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth. For example, when Elizabeth and Darcy confess their feelings, the fog suddenly disappears and the sun comes out. Also, Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth get very close and they lean in to kiss but the director suspended this to make it seem like Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth were in love for love, not for kissing.
Even if you prefer the book to the movie or visa-versa, you will be captivated in both forms. Both Jane Austen, and Joe Wright made is seem as though the emotion was really there, and that it’s not just fiction. But the story soon ends, leaving readers and viewers begging for more.
Oh, I see now that the paragraph indenting and-what-not got a little messed up. Just ignore it.
Thanks so much for your help!
Best answer:
Answer by TehTom
Alright.
Overall, this is not bad. It is a little bit too generalised and elaborate in places but aside from that the structure is decent.
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Here are just a few things you can change:
1) Replace this –
“Critics will agree; both Jane Austen and the director, Joe Wright, for Pride and Prejudice, the movie, made sparks fly between Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth..”
With this –
“Critics will agree both Jane Austen and the director, Joe Wright for Pride and Prejudice the movie, made sparks fly between Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth..”
2) Where you say –
“Elizabeth then thanked him for being so kind as to take care of Lydia and Wickham. In the book..”
You should be starting a new paragraph at “In the book..”. It is a new topic, therefore drop it down a line and separate it from the previous line of text.
3) You write “for ever” at one point. These are not two separate words. Correct it to read “forever”.
4) Replace this –
“So much to where she could not look him in the eye..”
With this –
“So much so to the point she could no longer look him in the eye…”
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There is a great deal more rephrasing that could occur, and plenty of other touch-ups that could be applied before this piece was truly polished, but good effort.
Hope I was of some help. 🙂
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
