PLEASE CHECK MY GRAMMAR! 7TH GRADE!?
Question by pink_pie13: PLEASE CHECK MY GRAMMAR! 7TH GRADE!?
For those of you who answered my earlier question about this compisition, no it is not th same one. I revised it. so even if you read the earlier one please check this one too because I re-wrote it.
please check spelling, pronunciation, grammar and everything please! I need to fix my mistakes so I can learn so I can pass 7th grade!
and on a scale of 1-4, what would you give me?
My favorite memory is when I first started to babysit. One day our new neighbor, Mike Smith, came over to our house to ask my twin sister, Sheila, and me to babysit his five-year-old son, Cullen. Mr. Smith told me that he and his wife were going on a date and to be at their house at seven o’ clock. I was very excited to have my first opportunity to babysit; I accepted the job right away.
Once Mr. Smith went back to his house, I became very apprehensive about babysitting since everyone in the neighborhood knew what a trouble-maker Cullen Smith was. I was worried that he might not listen to Sheila and I, but after awhile I realized that he would probably be good if I called his parents when he acts up. So I started thinking of things we could all do together while we babysit. First, I thought we could make something out of popsicle sticks and glue, but decided that would be too messy. Then I thought we could watch the movie “RV” but I couldn’t find it.
Before I knew it, it was seven o’ clock. Before we even left our yard to go across the street to the Smith’s house, Cullen came running towards us and said, “My Daddy said that you both are going to babysit me tonight. This is gonna be so much fun!” Then we all walked across the street to his house.
When we arrived, Mr. and Mrs. Smith said they would be home around 1:00A.M. and to call their number on the refrigerator if we have any problems. Then they left to go on their date. As soon as the door shut behind them, Cullen shouted, “Let’s color!” So we colored some pictures in his coloring book until he was bored. Then I suggested we play a board game. So Cullen got “Candy Land” out of his closet. After playing a game of Candy Land, we made him supper, but Cullen loved Candy Land so much he ate his supper in five minutes and insisted we play it again and again.
Around eleven o’ clock, we decided to watch “Night at the Museum” and soon after the movie was over, Cullen’s parents came home. They paid us fifty dollars (but my parents thought that was too much and made us give twenty dollars back the next day), and we went home. This is my favorite memory because babysitting was fun and made me feel responsible.
Best answer:
Answer by couriouscouple486
on a scale of 1-4 I would give you a 3. The essay is well put together. My only opinion (FYI I’m a History/English Major) would be that you over used commas. Try not to use commas to extend your sentences or thoughts, it tends to drag out your essay and make it to wordy. You have very few grammatical (grammar) errors, and if you are doing this for educational reasons and not school, try to challenge yourself. Have a parent, sibling, older friend, or even someone on here suggest a topic that requires research, you will learn essay format and english structure better.
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
